Saying No

Sometimes, I say yes when I should say no - and I say no when I should say yes.

In Seth Godin's Linchpin, he describes two possible reasons for respones when asked for something.

There are those who never say no.  They say yes and they find a way to get it done.  These people are problem solvers, trouble shooters.  They see issues as opportunities to change things, to make someone else happy.  This is the gift they can give the world.

There are also Linchpins who say no all the time.  They say no because they are so focused on their goals, their purpose, that anything outside of that is easy to say no to.

Of course, there are responses that Godin doesn't describe (ones that he would not consider Linchpin responses).

One such response is to say no all the time for the wrong reasons - lack of motivation, laziness, etc.

Another possible response is to say yes all the time and not follow through, becoming overwhelmed and failing responsibilities.

The most balanced response, I suggest, is to say yes within areas of priority and talent.  Say yes to solving the right problems, to delivering the most good; and say no to what doesn't fit.

The best each of us can do is to mean what we say, and say it for the right reasons.  When saying yes, mean it; when saying no, mean it.  Prioritize and commit to what matters and do it well.

~Bethany

PS: This is part of a series of blogs about Seth Godin's Linchpin that I'm doing in conjunction with a Twitter-friend, Chett.  Check our her blog for more insights!

Why push?

Why do we push so hard to reach certain goals?  Staying up all night to finish a paper for school.  Cancelling plans with friends to go to the gym every day.  Working late and missing family to finish some elusive project.

What's the use?

Motivation can be fleeting.  But there was a reason you started on this path; something that, at one point, seemed important enough to strive and work for.

I go back to the goal.  What's the point?  Will this effort help me get there?  Is the goal still worth it?  If yes, it's worth staying the course - the journey and end result will be worth it.

Back to blogging... and fear

This week, a friend commented that I haven't blogged in a little while.  He's right, of course... it's been a few weeks.  The reason for this that I've been telling myself is that I'm busy - which is true.  There have been many days in the last few weeks that have been stacked end-to-end with work, volunteering, friends, family and too many good things to list; many nights where I've come home just in time to answer a few emails and fall in to bed.

However, I also know that I've been wrestling a little bit with the purpose of this blog, and also with the idea of putting my ideas "out there".  What if people disagree?  What if you, the few people who visit this space, think I'm scattered or disorganized?  What if I put ideas down here, in the never-forgetting internet, and then in a few years even I disagree with them?  By blogging, I began to fear that I am making statements about myself, my beliefs and my ideas that I would be held to forever and ever... and that was a terrifying thought!

And then, as often happens, I came upon something that spoke exactly to that situation.

You may know that I've been reading Linchpin by Seth Godin, and blogging about various parts and passages (along with Chett, a twitter-friend who's been doing the same and had a great post this week about goals).  There's a section in Chapter 4 in which Godin asks "Where do you put the fear?".  The idea here is that each of us is fearful about something, but that those who are successful are able to move beyond their fear and act anyway.

I have lots of fears, of course, as we all do.  One of my beliefs about fear is that it's healthy, and that it signals something - fear tells us that what we are scared of (losing a friend, making a call, choosing a path) has meaning and importance.  The fact that I'm scared of blogging about some topics means that I care about the opinions that I'm sharing.  If you're scared to choose, that means the decisions matter, and that you care about the consequences and results.

Of course, fear can also be paralyzing.  It can lead us to hide or run from that which scares us.  It can lead us to lash out in anger, or with reactions that don't fit the situation.  If we let it, fear will defeat us by telling us we can't, we shouldn't, we won't be able to.

But, if everyone feels fear about something, then the question becomes: how do those who are successful deal with it?  Or, as Godin says, where do you put the fear?  Where does a lawyer put the fear that they will lose the case?  Where does a hockey star put his fear of not making the perfect shot?  Where does a public speaker put the fear that they will be judged as boring?

Ultimately, does your fear motivate you or chase you away?  Does it inspire you or cause you to cower?

Everyone has fear... lots of fears, in fact.  So where do you put it?

My commitment to myself is to feel the fear - all of it.  To feel it, accept it, and act anyway.  To decide which fears are meant to be moved in to, and which ones aren't (obviously, a fear of running in to traffic is one that should be listened to).  To realize that it's normal, healthy even, to feel fear.

My commitment to myself is to blog, and to know that I will get it wrong sometimes, and to do it anyway.  To speak in front of groups of people, to share what matters, despite fear of judgement.  To step in to the fear of what will come, and let it motivate me to be a better version of the person I can be.

What about you?  Where will you put your fear?

Thanks, Bob, for the reminder to get back to blogging : )

Not just a job

As you may know, I've been reading Seth Godin's latest book Linchpin (have blogged about chapters one and two and three previously).  Currently, I'm in the midst of the intense fourth chapter (which is remarkably long), but ran across a section in the middle of this chapter the other day that deserves it's own post.

This bit, on page 57, is entitled "Your Job is a Platform".  In this, Godin describes that a job is not the end - it is just an opportunity to create, to be generous, to express and create art.  This holds true for any job, I would argue - lawyer, accountant, waitress, soccer coach, each can find a way to give generously, express themselves and create unique art in their role.

In fact, this could be carried in to overall life - each of our lives is a platform, every day an opportunity to create opportunity and situations that no one else can.

Whatever you do, where ever you are, you can find opportunities to contribute in to the lives of others and grow your own strengths.  Every day, every interaction with someone else, is a chance to change the world just a little.

Thanksgiving

This weekend, October 11th, marks Thanksgiving in Canada - a longstanding holiday which we most people today tend to spend as a celebration of friends, family, food and all the things we are thankful for in our lives.

Through the years, though, Thanksgiving has meant many things.  In fact, this Wikipedia post (and we all know you can trust anything you find on Wikipedia ;) ) records the first official day of giving thanks back in 1578, which was about a happy and safe homecoming.

Later days of giving thanks, according to the post, were in connection welcoming neighbours, meeting new friends, celebrating the end of wars, rejoicing in health, and with each year having an officially proclaimed theme about which to be thankful each year.

And so this weekend, we will cook turkeys, eat pie, enjoy family and friends, and celebrate all that we have to be thankful for.

I don't know about you, but I have a lot to be thankful for.  Friends and family, laughter, health, my home and warm bed, freedom, opportunity... and so much more.

And so I plan to take many moments this weekend to celebrate, remember and be grateful for all of it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

What I'm NOT thankful for

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in Canada, a holiday traditionally designated to celebrate the harvest.  Now, it's often built around family, friends and good food - many of the things that make life great.

Many people's thoughts today centre around what they are thankful for - this holiday is a fantastic time to remind ourselves of just how lucky we all are.  And while I've done that as well today (and will also blog about it tomorrow) I was also reminded today of some of what I'm not thankful for - and finding ways that I can change those.

• I am not thankful for thoughts that allow people (including myself) believe we are somehow less or unworthy.  These feelings do nothing to enhance or improve our lives; they serve only to make it more difficult.  Not only that - they're untruths we tell ourselves (or allow others to tell us) that stifle potential.
• I am not thankful for apathy that surrounds the many issues our world faces.  There are challenges that we face, and responsibilities we all carry to address those - and ignoring those issues does nothing to fix them.  We are each responsible to vote, to help and love our neighbours and strangers, to think and read and share ideas... and so much more to make our world a better place.
• I am not thankful for the incredible amount of material things that overtake our lives, causing us to lose focus of what's really important - people.  Not taken with perspective, stuff and things serve to weigh down our lives, create false happiness and lead to stress and comparing ourselves to others - traits that serve no one well.  Of course, there's nothing wrong with stuff - I love shopping as much as the next person : ) - but too much just becomes to heavy to carry.
• I am not thankful for times when I forget how much I have to be thankful for.  There is so, so much in all of our lives to be grateful for... and it's worth remembering.  I plan to celebrate being thankful even more tomorrow, including with a post on that theme.

Even in these, though, I am thankful for much - including for the opportunity and power to change that which I am not thankful for!

So, to all my Canadian friends... happy day-before-Thanksgiving!

Take some time to think of what you are not thankful for this weekend - and to decide what you can do about it!

My blogging mission

We're all complicated people.  We like lots of different things, sometimes even things that conflict with each other or are incredibly diverse.

Certainly, I'm no exception.  My interests tend to include:

• running (learning to enjoy) and strength training
• autism (so incredibly diverse and varied that I may never really understand)
• baking (dairy-free, please)
• fundraising (which I am lucky enough to do every day)
• everything Calgary (because this city is amazing)
• nonprofits (in support of the essential role they play
• yoga (especially the hot kind)
• healthy (and not-so-healthy) food & eating
• thinking philosophical thoughts (which makes me feel smart)
• friends & family (with the belief people are more important than anything)
• reading, writing about & discussing books (such as Seth Godin's Linchpin)
• kids & teens (and all the stages we all go through to become 'grown-ups)
• Junior Chamber International aka JCI (specifically, JCI Calgary)
• Travel (so much to see & learn this way)
• Learning (formal education and life education)

This variety is what keeps our lives interesting, of course.  However, as it relates to blogging, all this has me feeling my blog is scattered - all over the map, in fact, since I began this blog 6 weeks ago.

So, I'm working to narrow it all down a little.  This will include picking a few topics to focus on and crafting a bit of a blog mission statement.

The challenge, of course, is about what to leave out... but choices are what make life interesting, no?

Help is appreciated!

What is the focus of your blog?  How did you choose that?

Or, what type of blogs do you most enjoy reading?